Funny Relationship Quotes
Welcome to the funny relationship quotes list. Below you’ll find a list of funny quotes about relationships, men, women, old age, children, and more. These quotes are great to share with your special someone.
Funny Relationship Quotes
When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.
There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn’t stand for that.
Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.
Funny Quotes About Women
An archaeologist is best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.
I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement.
Women: Can’t live with them, can’t bury them in the back yard without the neighbours seeing.
When women go wrong, men go right after them.
Funny Quotes About Men
Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable.
Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
If you’ve got them by the balls their hearts and minds will follow.
Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.
Funny Love & Marriage Quotes
All marriages are happy. It’s trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel.
Leonardo Di Vinci
Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
The appropriate age for marriage is around eighteen for girls and thirty-seven for men.
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.”
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.
I wouldn’t be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife.
In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
Funny Quotes About Children
There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: Twins.
Parents are not interested in justice, they’re interested in peace and quiet.
Insanity is hereditary: You can get it from your children.
Don’t tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won’t respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, ‘Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.’.
Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off.”
Children nowadays are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food and tyrannize their teachers.
Funny Old Age Quotes
A man’s only as old as the woman he feels.”
I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.
We hope you enjoyed our funny relationship quotes and sayings. If you have a quote or saying that you would like to share please use the comment box below.
Popular search terms:
- relationship quotes
- funny relationship quotes
- funny quotes about men
- funny quote men
- marriage quotes funny
- funny quotes about long distance relationships
- funny quotes about men funny quotes about relationships
- groucho quotes about snakes